Whether you spot someone you find attractive on the subway or at a bar, or have been crushing on them for a while, flirting doesn’t always come naturally. Jayda Shuavarnnasri is a sexuality and relationship educator who’s seen a lot of flirting driven by a focus on the endgame — like trying to get someone’s number.
Next time, if you find yourself interested in someone, give them your number.
It’s a small way of upending the usual power dynamics that come with flirting.
To Shuavarnnasri, it goes back to the culture of getting something out of an interaction. “We’re so used to flirting as a means to an end,” she says. But if you remove that goal, you may be able to focus on creating a mutually pleasant experience, instead.
“You get a much better result if, instead of trying to get others to make us feel good, we actually concentrate on making them feel good,” says Jean Smith, author of the book Flirtology: Stop Swiping, Start Talking and Find Love.
Once you’ve done your part, let the other person decide for themselves whether they want to hit you up. Because it’s really about them.
Here’s more advice on flirting.
22 tips for 2022 is edited and curated by Dalia Mortada, Arielle Retting, Janet W. Lee, Beck Harlan, Beth Donovan and Meghan Keane. This tip comes from an episode of Life Kit hosted by Andrew Limbong and produced by Andee Tagle.